Stupid Project

People are stupid. Let us show you... (also contains stories of crazy people)

Facepalm Index Pt. 1 (Because I just know there will be more)

Working in retail, or any job that deals with the general public really, sometimes you see and hear things that are so bafflingly stupid that the only appropriate response is to Facepalm. Here are just a FEW of the ones I've personally encountered.

"Brighter?"
Customer: Hey, what's the difference between this light bulb and that one?
Me: Well, both are essentially the same bulb. They'll both work for the same applications. The only actual difference is that [higher quality brand name] is brighter.
Customer: Um... What does "Brighter" mean?
Me *rendered speechless for almost five whole seconds*
Me: Um... it's... Brighter. It... gives off more light...?
Customer: What does that mean?
Me *no idea what to say at this point*
Me: You can see stuff further, brighter, as if it was less dark...
Customer: I don't get it
Me *Facepalm*
Me: Just get the cheaper one, the extra brightness will just be wasted...

Favorite Color
Customer: Which of these battery chargers is better?
Me: Well, they're actually completely identical. They've just switched the packaging. The red one is the old box, the blue one is the new box.
Customer: Okay, so which is better?
Me: They're exactly the same. There's no difference. Just a different colored box
Customer: Okay, so is the blue one better than the red?
Me: No, they're identical in absolutely every way
Customer: Right
Me *thinks the customer finally understands*
Customer: So which one should I get?
Me *not facepalming QUITE yet, I have a feeling it's still too early*
Me: Doesn't actually matter. They're made by the same company, they're the same product, just a different colored box that you'll be throwing out as soon as you bring the charger home anyway.
Customer: Okay, so which one is better
Me: ... Okay, what color do you prefer, red, or blue?
Customer: You're the expert, you tell me!
Me *Facepalm (though i'd later learn that it was STILL too early)*
Me: ...Okay, your favorite color is red, you should get the red one!
Customer *stares blankly at me, and then looks to another co-worker*
Customer: Hey, Which one of these battery chargers is better?
Other Co-Worker (who had heard the whole thing and was trying not to laugh): Oh, they're actually exactly the same, just a different box
Customer: Yeah, but which brand name is better?
Me and other co-worker *simultaneous facepalm*

[This continues for about five more minutes]

Footnote: that customer finally decided on the blue battery charger. Later on that day, he returned it and exchanged it for the red one. I wish I was making this up.

horrible parenting

Today, there was a screaming child. I think the child was between 4 and 6. Her parents are down in the Seasonal section. I have no clue why she started screaming. And then she started screaming "MOTHER FUCKER FUCKER FUCKER FUCKER FUCKER!" At the top of her lungs. The likelyhood of her learning those words are really high, since her mom was walking around swearing as well.

Lovely. No wonder some people are fucked up.

"It says right here, you have to take it back."

Not every Tool Town* store has everything in the catalogue. So, while the cashier tells you that you can bring the product back to any Tool Town, it’s not exactly correct. It’s only on the products that don’t have a warranty attached to it. If there’s a warranty, then we, at customer service pay attention to the warranty. So if it says that it’s an exchange warranty, then it’s an exchange warranty. So in order to do an exchange on an exchange warranty, we have to actually carry the product. But if we don’t have the product, then you can’t bring the item in question into the store and ask for a refund or an exchange because we can’t exchange it. This is going somewhere. Like right now.

A man walks up to customer service. He pulls out a some kind of air gun and sets it on the counter. “I want a refund.”

"Is there anything wrong with it?"

"Yea, it doesn't work. It just shoots a couple pelts then the rest of the kinda just fall out, instead of being shot." So I look it up on the computer to check the warrenty, as it's already been opened. And it says that it’s an exchange warranty. So I tell him that.

“But I want a refund. Look, it says right here,” he demands, flipping his receipt onto the back to show us our own return policy. Because apparently we don’t know what our own policy is. “See. 90 days.”

“Yes, but that’s for unopened items only. So in this case, we have to follow the warranty that’s set out by manufacture.”

“But your policy says 90 days.”

“Yea, but the policy is for unopened items.”

"Yea, exactly." 

"But you've already opened the gun. So we have to follow the manufacture's warranty on this, and in this case, it's an exchange warranty. Which you can't even do here, because we don't carry any guns at this store."

Ok, so that exchange went on far longer than I'm willing to recall. Then the Head Cashier, Kate, steps in, and has the exact same conversation.

“I’m sorry, I want to talk to someone that knows what they’re talking about. You don't know what you're talking about because you don't own this store.” He tells Kate. Just so you know, Kate's been working there for at least 5 years. She knows what she's talking about, especially since she trains cashiers to do customer service.

“Ok, do you want to talk to a manager? He’ll tell you the same thing.”

“Yea, ok. He’ll know what he’s talking about.”

So Trevor was right by customer service and went to talk to the customer. And repeat general gist of the previous conversation. That one ended with the customer telling Trevor that he was also incompetent because he didn't own the Tool Town Corperation. Trevor offered him a chance to speak to the General Manager- Deloris. This time the customer wouldn’t let Deloris explain anything. So first Deloris tried to let him finish ranting. But he wouldn’t finish, so she ended up throwing him out of the store. By that time, I was in the back doing adjusting. So, I can’t really tell you the exact words, but apparently, as he stormed out of the store, he claimed that all our stuff was made by some prison worker. Which isn’t true. It most likely comes from China, everything does these days.

*not the actually name of the store that I'm working at.
*also all names changed

Robberies don't happen in broad daylight

Molly was a special kind of stupid. She became manager of the store shortly after I was hired. Anyhow, this one day she was counting money, so she could see if any of the tils needed to have money deposited. Except that it’s Thursday afternoon during the summer. And she hadn’t bothered taking the tils to the back. And we were right by the main entrance. Which means totally makes sense, counting the money in front of all the potential robbers. A fact that my friend pointed out.

“What are you doing?” Kaitlyn asked her.

“Counting the money.” 

There was a brief pause. And then:

“You should count the money in the back. That way no one will reach over the counter and take the money.”

Molly threw down the roll of quarters that she had been holding back into the tray. And turned to face my friend. “Robberies don’t happen in broad daylight.” She turned back to the til and started counting the money again. After she finished counting the money, she left for the bank. Kaitlyn immediately turned to me. 

“Robberies. Don’t. Happen. In. Broad. Daylight?! Seriously? How stupid could she be? Robberies do happen during broad daylight. Also, Radio Shack got robbed the other day and they are in the quiet corner of the mall. So, what the hell, happened to Radio Shack than then other day? Just a severely confused employee? Like seriously. And we're in a mall, so it's technically ALWAYS broad daylight here.” 

A week later, one of the other workers there opened a til to grab change for someone. And that someone reached over the counter, grabbed a bunch of money and ran off. Geez, and I thought robberies didn’t happen in broad daylight.